This blog was written in March 2022 as a reaction to the war in Ukraine.
I’m writing this at 4am. My 19-month-old daughter is curled beside me, sleeping peacefully. But I can’t sleep. My heart is full and my eyes are so heavy but I just can’t sleep.
I’ve always cared about the welfare of children, it’s why I applied to work for Save the Children in the first place. Yet nothing has connected me more to those teenagers, toddlers, babies and their families than being lucky enough to have one myself.
When my daughter has a fever, if she needs me to rock her all night to sleep, that’s what I do. When we heard a loud bang the other day (a car tyre burst on our street) she looked at me wide-eyed and leapt into my arms. It was so instinctive, for both of us. But here’s what’s keeping me up at night, angry, sad, heart heavy:
Luck is the only thing which determines what makes your child run into your arms from fear
For my baby, its loud noises. For too many others, its bombs. 1 in 6 children live in conflict zones these days. When my baby is sick, she’s usually teething, or caught a bug at playgroup. For too many others, it’s because they haven’t eaten anything but bread for days, and their stomach hurts. Or maybe they drank dirty water, because that’s all there was.
It's just luck that separates us, and geography.
It’s easy to feel guilty about that, and helpless. I read somewhere the other day that ‘If you’re able to tuck a healthy child into a warm bed in a safe home, you’ve won the lottery of life’ and I thought, yes.
Privilege, and gratitude
No matter what your family’s situation, you go to the end of every limit you have for your kids, and then keep going. Every mother – every caregiver for a child they love – knows those moments.
Gratitude is so important, as is acknowledging the huge privilege mothers and caregivers like me have.
But what use is that, to them? What use are these feelings as they hold their terrified children, surrounded by impossible choices?
They need action.
So, if you feel the same, please join me. Let’s take action together, with solidarity of mothers and caregivers everywhere.
Educate yourself
Here are the main crises for children going on in the world, and the UK. You can also read one woman's account of her own struggles as a mother facing poverty, here in the UK.
Get political
It can be easy to forget our government works for us – and it’s our duty to tell them what needs to be on the agenda. Raise your hand, and keep raising it. Help create the world we want for our children, and for children everywhere.
Give monthly donations
Find a charity you support – and set up a monthly donation. It’s what enables charities to do arguably their most important work. The kind of work that goes on after a family's immediate needs have been taken care of. Giving in emergencies is vital – but supporting charities long term projects transform children’s lives.
They deserve more than the basic needs of warmth and shelter. They deserve to have a shot at their own dreams, just like anyone else. Just like we hope for the children we love.
Talk to your children
They are the next generation – they will be the ones to truly make a change and their capacity for understanding and compassion is incredible. You can help them understand conflict too, with these tips from a psychologist and child counsellor at Save the Children.
Take care of yourself
It’s ok – necessary even – at times to feel the weight of all this pain. The world feels like it’s in a terrible mess and it can be a frightening place to have babies and raise your children.
A fellow mum at work the other day reminded me about how on airplanes they tell you to put your own mask on first, and it’s true. You can’t help your kids if you can’t even take a breath yourself. So, take that breath. Hold the people you love tightly, and put down the weight of responsibility you feel for even just a minute or two.
Moving forwards
With strength and resilience we can channel our anger into action – and action is what these families need. We need to fight the overwhelming trio of climate, conflict, Covid. Sometimes when I lie awake I worry that there’s too much, that we will never sort it out. But what I know from working here is that there are people everywhere who will never stop trying.
And just like those nights that feel they’ll never end, when your babies need you and you ache for rest and for them to be okay, you keep going, because you have to.
Because there is no other choice.
