Tightrope walker
The incredible, poignant Tightrope walker sculpture is so important to me and resonates with other parents I know who’ve experienced poverty. It encompasses so much of what it means to get by on social security as a parent, walking a tightrope of narrow choices through sheer bad luck.
How do I know?
I lived it.
There have been difficult things said to me as a parent whilst experiencing poverty, I can hardly repeat them…called a scrounger, told if I can’t feed my kids, I shouldn’t have had them, just work harder…
There’s no set of choices that cause someone to fall into poverty. For someone I knew it was being widowed, another domestic abuse, one forced to live in the UK against her will, for some poor health. For me, it was my husband leaving for someone else when my youngest was a baby, then becoming ill. It would’ve been amazing to foresee those events, to have choices to avoid them.
But nobody has a crystal ball
Some say parents on a low income don’t consider parenthood seriously. I don’t know anyone like that. All work so hard at being a parent that no paid job compares. It’s upsetting how the main carer who continues to provide and sacrifice for their child is the one who faces most criticism despite little choice.
I had a good life – a degree in business, working in finance, married and bought our first home…we had good jobs and were stable when we decided, as a couple, to have our eldest child. Then my husband left for someone else.
Overnight, I became a single parent to a 6-year-old and 11-month-old.
I put my all into family, I was less than a year from having baby by invasive caesarean section – financially, physically and mentally it was a massive shock.
I cannot put into words how vulnerable, confused and alone I felt walking into a Jobcentre with my buggy, stared at by people as I walked in after school run on little sleep from feeding my baby the night before. My ex-husband had been the main provider and I was a proud person, I didn’t like asking for help, but I had no savings, nothing to sell, the household bills to pay and mouths to feed. Did they see that?
I felt tears start, I bit my tongue and choked them back.
Luckily for me a stern but kind woman granted me a safety net, social security.
People often find themselves in situations they have never imagined, and they can be really hard to get out of when you have few options. Many have no savings to fall back on, no money to pay for childcare in advance to claim some of it back from Universal credit. I was offered support with my CV but all they said was to remove the fact I was a parent and my age, I felt discriminated against. I applied for my old job and was rejected; I applied for other roles and was turned down due to childcare.
I struggled physically and hospital diagnosed a joint condition and mental health issues, so I moved onto incapacity benefit, I planned this to be short term.
I still hoped to work.
After the age of 2 we were finally entitled to free childcare. I tried to become a teaching assistant – one of few jobs that offer school hours and time off for school holidays, although low paid. I was volunteering when weeks later I suffered terrifying vertigo attacks that left me clinging to the loo dizzy, sweating and nauseated.
I attended work capability assessments to prove I was too sick to work. Some were sympathetic but all asked about my mental health in upsetting terms. Eventually I was diagnosed with an inner ear disorder, work paused. It was enough getting the kids to school and nursery daily due to the draining attacks. I suffered dizziness for an entire year and was diagnosed with hearing loss and prescribed hearing aids.
Then the pandemic hit.
Again, a crystal ball would have been amazing.
Like many, my mental health suffered in lockdown – for 14 weeks it was just me and the kids with our only human contact the supermarket delivery man. I had lost all motivation to carry on.
It was then I spotted an advert to give opinions on social security to Save the Children. I felt motivated to tell them how hard life on social security is, how the paperwork and stress of being on such a low income while raising children is like two full time jobs and actual work a third. In time I gained confidence and found that the work fascinated me and then a job came up with them, so I leapt at it.
And that was when life changed for me.
Getting a job where I could work from home to manage my health, work flexibly around my children’s lives and school, work when they’re sent home sick (as I type my 8-year-old is home with earache!) and get paid a good wage has turned my life around.
I just needed patience, support, kindness and a safety net to hold me through the worst time of my life.
I wish every parent experiencing poverty was so lucky to find a needle in a haystack job like I have, even though it’s still very hard being a working single parent. I wish parents receive kindness. I have walked through this storm and now I can see the other side – there are some still in the middle or just entering it.
I wish every parent’s struggle was seen.
Or simply understood and said…
“I don’t know how you do it on your own”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know”
“Your best is good enough – be kind to yourself”
Learn more about our work supporting children living in poverty in the UK.
