It's so hard when children get worried about things. All we want to do is help reassure them, but sometimes simple reassurance just doesn’t do the trick. When that anxiety is around going back to school, it’s even more tricky. We can’t just not let them go – and it's horrible to think of them feeling sad when we’re not there to support them.
Here’s 5 tips to help support their emotions and grow their resilience:
1. Hearts keep us connected – school can represent a big separation for our sensitive children. One thing that can work nicely is a shared point of connection. This can be a friendship bracelet you both wear, or simply a heart drawn on each of your wrists. When they feel sad or worried that it’s a long time until home time, they can look down and know you are connected by your hearts.
2. Keep talking – when it comes to worried children, one of the best things we can do is prep, prep, prep! We tend to think our kids understand everything that’s going to happen, but it’s lots harder for little minds to hold that information as (lucky them) they live so much in the moment. As the end of the holidays draw to a close, start talking through – in as much detail as you can – what they can expect when it’s time to go back to school. Keep it manageable, and bitesize, but knowing what’s coming, and when, can make a real difference.
3. Make a plan – just as talking through what’s coming up can help some children, a bright, engaging visual of their week can be a good way to get them on board. It can be as detailed or simple as you like but letting them draw some pictures each day of what they plan to do – whether at school or when they get home is great to help them feel a bit more in control. And some drawings of family time at the end of the week is a fun thing to look forward to. Lastly, add an arrow that your little one can move along each day to track the days as they pass.
4. Bridge the gap – think about what we say when we're saying goodbye to the people we love as adults. Weve had a great time hanging out with our friends or family and when we say goodbye we instinctively make plans for the next time we will be together again. ‘let's get a date in for our next get together’ ‘can’t wait to see you for my birthday’ etc. Children are just the same. When you’re saying goodbye to your kids for the day, bridge the separation gap. This may look like ‘I can’t wait to give you a big hug when I pick you up later’ or even ‘after I collect you from school, we will go to play in the park before dinner’. It makes an enormous difference!
5. A social story – if you have a really nervous child and the above tactics just aren’t working, you could consider making them a short social story. A social story is a tool that can help children feel more prepared for certain situations. You write them from the child’s perspective, so they can identify with the story and include suggested responses. You can check out this template from Twinkl here.
If your child has real, prolonged resistance to going to school, it’s worth having a chat with their teacher to make sure there’s nothing going on that’s causing the issues.
Returning to school can create anxiety and fear of separation in any child but for a neurodivergent child these emotions may be amplified. For expert advice on how to support check out Action For Children’s neurodiversity section on their parent hub.
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